Thursday, July 8, 2010
Life Is Good...NOW! How I'm Better Than Ever!
The following post was added to my blog on Dec. 12, 2009.
Elvis and A Bittersweet Christmas
I miss my husband...I miss him every waking moment; every moment of sleep I'm dreaming of him. But at Christmas time, the memories and the missing are overwhelming! He's always with me and around me and in my heart. I know that. Yet...I can't feel his arms around me, even though they are. I can't see his lopsided smile, even though I'm sure he's smiling at me as I write this. I can't hear his voice as he tells me he loves me, even though I know my soul hears his whisper in my ear.
Back in the day, in his long and varied career, Ron did a bit of back-up singing for the likes of Hank Williams, Sr. and Willie Nelson. And he loved Elvis. If you can close your eyes and imagine as you listen to these Christmas songs, Ron's voice is a combination of Elvis and Willie Nelson. The last song, "How Great Thou Art", was...is my beloved's favorite song.
I was still in mourning then. The missing him governed my entire life. Not even Gracie could pull me out of the fog I was in! Then on January 5th of this year I had a massive heart attack and no one thought that I would make it. I don't know how long I was in a coma. I really should have died, could have died, would have died, but for the grace of God. He didn't want me Home yet! I believe I'm still here because I need to raise Gracie and see her graduate. Then I'll get on my travelin' shoes!
I've come to accept Ron's death. I do realize he's around me, but life on earth must be lived while we are here-one way or another. And I think Ron is happier, too, now that he's free to live his life on the Other Side without my constantly calling him to visit me.
My health still isn't good, but accepting the problems makes them much easier to bare! The grass is greener now! I can hear the river in my heart and soul-not just in my head!
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